Up and dowwn in my heart, turned into jelly beans

Lord,
I want an Edward Cullen. I really, really don't want a Tom Lefroy anymore, I don't think I ever really did. But I'm sure you know that. I guess, in reality, I have always wanted to feel adored, loved, or just wanted by someone. Never having felt that before, other than from you God, I sometimes feel I that I never will; like I will always be left alone. With everyone around me loved, and me left on my todd outside in the rain. Yeah I don't know why I'd be in the rain but that's how I see it.

I love how incoherent I am sometimes yet I know that you understand every word so clearly as though it was said by a perfectly spoken person. You amaze me Lord, you make a world so beautiful, beyond brilliance, yet you made me. You made ME. Of all the things you could have made instead, you chose me. Every cell, every essence of who I am comes from you. Why make me when there are so many more important things you could have made in my place? You grace and love astounds me, O Lord.

Thank you for the desires of my heart, I know they are from you and that you will, one day, grant them to me, better than I could have ever planned for myself.

Amen.