starting to draw again (:

Even if I did just copy this from my lap top still think it's pretty darn good. (:

From inside Jennie

My tummy well has a rash. ): sad times. But that’s not what this post is about, just wanted to say it.

I was just flicking through my last journal (who is named Jennie - yeah I've named my journal!) as I have just finished it and am in a new one now and there were so many things I had forgotten about and or that I wanted to share with people. So I choose you. (: There are worship lyrics, other song lyrics, words from God to me or just stuff that I got when in worship/praying, stuff from TSM talks and other shizzle too. So here is some of it (I might explain some of why I’m sharing or what it means others I won’t).

We will overcome!
By the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony
Everyone overcome.

In Ephesians 2:6 it talks about us being seated with Christ in heavenly places. So, because of this fact it should change how we pray. John Strange asked us this at TSM because of this verse: “So, are you praying from Earth the Heaven? OR from Heaven to Earth with the authority you have already inherited?!” Wow. That’s fracking amazing to think that we can pray knowing that what we ask for will be and is being done because we are with Jesus *now* in heaven as well as being here on Earth. It’s hard to get your head around and I know that some people don’t believe we are there now as they say even though god is outside of time; we are still alive therefore we cannot be up there with Him now. But surely if God is outside of time so is His dwelling place, meaning we could actually be there too as it is outside of time.

Love always fights back.

“It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy.” Psalm 92:1 – 4

“At the end of the day God doesn’t need defending --> he can/does prove himself.” Neil Chitty

Our God is totally trustworthy because he does not change – like ever!!  “God is good and He’s in a good mood all the time!” (Bill Johnson)

“God does miracles not because he needs to prove Himself but simply because He just loves us! He does it just because!” Neil Chitty

*what did God do just after Adam and eve fall? He made them clothes. Out of what? Animal skins… How do you get animal skins? You have to kill it.  Therefore blood had to be shed to cover their guilt and shame. Resemble/remind you of anything from the New Testament?!!*

Proverbs 15:1 “A softer answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Okay it’s just gone midnight so I should probably go to bed as I’ve got FP Impact training this week. So I’m gonna continue this post another time; but as my journal has lots in it I think I will do this as a series of post instead of one very long one. So I hope these things or at least some of these things I have and will write on here will impact you and reveal some of God’s heart and truth to you as they did me.

Oh I do love Jesus – he’s my favourite.

Slept like a baby?

As I was lying awake in bed just now (at 1.37 am) I though I wish I could sleep like a baby. then as I pondered what that might look like, I realised I do do that, and not just because my thumb gets sucked; but because I generally wake up throughout the night and am grumpy in the morning because of it. And sometimes not sleeping makes me cry, as it did today. Yeah that's right I cried today because of lack of sleep, but then again, so would you if you hadn't had a good night sleep in almost 5 years! Argh this sucks ass! ):
It will be 5 years on the 28th July since I have slept properly. Wondering why I know the exact date? Well let me tell you: it was on the 28th at about 6am ish that I found out that I had gotten drunk at a party the previous night and someone had put the testicle and penis in my mouth as I had slept. The testicle is legally classed as sexual abuse and the penis is rape. And I found out these two things from the person who had done them. He said when I woke up with the others in the tent "Haha! I tea-bagged you!" So as I walked home the 45 minute walk ride, not wanting to wait another three hours for when my mum had arranged to pick me up, I called Child line and asked them if it was sexual abuse, they said yes. So a little while later on my walk, I called mum at home and asked her to unlock the door as I would be home soon an didn't have my keys. She sounded extremely worried on the phone as not only was it not even 7 am yet, but because I was crying. When I got in, I told her not to be angry with me as I had taken 2 of dad's beers with me, and then I told all of what I could remember/was told (luckily god had put me in a deep sleep and I have no memory of what Norman** did to me). So mum called the police and tried to contact dad as he was away on a TA 2 week camp, but couldn't get hold of him. so shortly after 2 policemen came, took my statement , drove me and mum to a house where I was examined my a doctor and had to pee in a cup. And that was the day before I went to Faith Camp and then Newday.
So at first I got nightmares because of it which went away after some prayer a few months later and then they came back at the time of the trial but left again shortly after. They've not come back but now I just can't really sleep well, or at all some nights. And this is one of those nights - it's now 1:50am and I'M not tired at all. But then again I left TSM early as i was struggling to stay awake and then slept for almost 5 hours after that. And not it has been about 3 hours since I awoke and now I can't get off to sleep again. So I thought I'd just tell you that, whoever *you* are as I don't know who reads this. But there you go, now you know a little something about me.

But yeah I am pretty much always shattered but for me life is being shattered at the moment - which as i said earlier suck ass. Of course I've gotten prayed for for the sleeplessnees, the Norman thing, and stuff related to it, and sometimes I do sleep ok-ishly, but then there are weeks like this week where I hardly sleep at all. ):
Man I just wanna SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! )': so if you're reading this and you love Jesus please pray for me. And you know what, even if you aren't a Christian could you please pray too, every little helps as Tesco says. (:


Well cheers for, um well not listening as this is written and also 'cause you're not in my bedroom for me to talk to, but, um, thanks for being you. Yeah that works, thanks for being who you are (whoever you are reading this, hehe)

Peace and Love
~ Nikerz Xx



**Lets call him Norman.

Oh dear...

So I wa bored and all on my todd in the Church offices and I have no office work to be getting on with (just some reading for TSM) so I decided to find out my BMI. Why that popped into my head as something to do I will never know... But hey, it did. So i found it out online as well as what my weight should be for my height. It's official, I'm obease, Have a BMI of 32.8 and need to lose 5 stone to be the ideal weight for a person of my short old bod of 5 foot. I knew i was overweight, as, I mean, well look at me it's obvious but I didnt reaslise I was obease. I guess it's a gllod job I seem to be losing weight then. Thank you Jesus! I so don't wanna get diabetes, maybe I already have it. I don't know and I sort of don't ever want to have to go to the doctors incase they want to find out. It's way to serious a thing that I just do not want to know! i know that's silly as it is, or can be if not closely watched, a life-threatening thing but at the moment I'd just rather not know.

So yeah that's it for this post. I just wanted somewhere I could write that and not have to worry about it being read...

Only You!

Only He is so amazing! Man I just love the Holy Spirit – he rocks my socks to be honest with you. Some people might read that and think “You can’t say that, you can love the Father and the Son and HAVE the Holy Spirit but you can’t LOVE him” and to that I say a good old fashioned pish-posh! Why not? He is part of God and I love god so I therefore love him; plus, he is pretty awesome. Besides without the Holy Spirit we couldn’t do any of the miracles, signs or wonders that we do get the honour of being a part of… it’s the Holy Spirit that does them, he is what Jesus gave us when he left the earth in order to do mighty works like he did and more! Woo to the oopage at that! The prayer meetings King’s have on a Sunday night called Wave of His Power are just ‘MAAZIN’! God is always there with his bud the HS and they move in amazing ways everytime. He just blows my mind in the different ways and things he does each week makes me smile like a loon on loon tablets! ( ;

So in September I’m going to be moving away from everything thing I have ever known to live in Bedford for a year whilst serving a church called the King’s Arms on FP Impact. I have no clue as to who I will be living with, what project I will be working on or the people I will be working with and being around. Terrifying stuff… and I’m just so excited, don’t get me wrong I am most certainly scared but I know it’s where I’m meant to be and what I’m meant to be doing next year so how can I not be excited when God has so obviously been in the planning and preparing for my ‘gap year’ from the beginning. I mean, all I knew was Impact, no destination or anything and now I have such a peace when evs I think about it. I was set on saying at my King’s for about seven or eight months until <> my youth pastor, and now an elder as well, said to think about going somewhere else as it might be better for me to leave the only church I’ve ever belonged to. That’s when he talked to Julian Adams about me and anywhere he thought a good church for someone with my gifting – prophetic – and he came back to Andy with two places he thought would be great for me: Essex and Bedford. As Andy knows one of the elders there (who turned out to be the husband of the lady Julian told Andy about) he looked into there for me first. I thought it would be a great opportunity but something in me never felt peaceful when thinking about it even after them having m Impact application. They eventually came back to Andy and said thanks, but no thanks… in very basic terms anyways… So then he looked into Bedford, they looked into me and then they accepted me. And this time I felt a real peace and joy about it… but always very scared/nervous but in a good way, because of all that I know god is going to do with me and all that I don’t have a clue as to what he will do. It is all extremely exciting stuff!!
Turns out I’m most likely to be renting a room in house with two other girls from October but before that I’ll probably be staying with a married couple for the first month or so until a girl has moved out of the house. (I was supposed to try and call the house owner today but I was moping too much to do so, plus I had the opticians too, so I didn’t). I was so happy thinking I had finished trying to save up money and could now buy some more clothes I could take to Newday as I don’t have enough, well not really but sort of – it’s a girl thing, but now that I need to be able to pay rent I cant :(. I suppose I shouldn’t have assumed they do it in Bedford the way KCH do, we find people in the church to house our impacters and I think they are given money to help with that. Whereas I have to pay my own way there, I guess as that’s the way it’s done here and every other place I’d heard about I presumed it’d be like that there too. Never mind. It’s hard because I know that God can provide this for me as he has so amazingly done so with the money I needed for FP and also TSM, but I cant help but thinking I wont be able to get any money; I just need to tell myself to give it up completely to him. It’s just hard is all.

Anyhoo, it’s late so I best be getting off soon, which means facebook only for a while longer… so predictable (: Nighty Night! Xx

(:

I took this picute the other day and I just love how it turned out - better than I could ever have tried. Check out in the background what Stina and I call Jesus rays - visibal shafts of sunlight!

Loves it!

(so i started writing this like Feb or something and never finished it and i cant remember why i started this post back then)



Yeah okay so I don't have feelings for Ben anymore. Not relationship-y feelings anyway; I know I shouldn't feel hurt by him as he never knew how I felt but as I was psyching myself up to telling him. But never mind and that is not the reason for this post.



So I' going to just write what I was to write about now. How flipping amazing is GOD!?!

Well let me tell you that he is so amazing you will never even begin to getting close to know just how awesome he is! Which in itself is amazing! Basically, he's just WOW!! with an un-ending amount of exclamation marks! I was at my last ever (or for a while at least) May Camp with Kings and I just loved it - I even loved the smelly, noisy cows that were situated almost all around us. That's how good it was, which is not even counting any of the ~God stuff in it either. On the last meeting, Monday morning, i just thought "Sack it. I haven't given worship my all even if i thought i had been trying to so I'm just gonna go for it. No matter what the rest of the youth think!" And wow-wee did God bless me for it! the night before i got Maggie to pray for me and she said i was going to start seeing things that i can't really explain or that feel real but never happen etc. And then when I was worshiping i did. God gave me the God-Giggles again.. which are flippingly fantastic.. and he showed me us. As in me and God. Together. It was me when i was younger, a child in the earthly meaning, running around this beautiful meadow of wild flowers and long grass. I was running with, to and from a man dressed in white robes had a shinning, glorious white light emanating from every part of him. We were laughing and giggling and playing in a beautiful meadow full of wild flowers and long grass to hide in. It just felt so real. It was breath-takingly amazing! And in 'real life' I was still in the marquee with everyone and I was uncontrollably laughing; like literally rolling on the floor laughing with my legs waving in the air. It must have been a right sight for the youth to see - me, in my pj's, having a giggle fit on the floor during worship (: A few of them did come up to me after the meeting and say it was hilarious and that made me feel two very different things at the same time. 1) He he yeah it was but also 2) a deep sadness in my heart: because they didn't understand or grasp what I had in me that made me laugh - the Holy Spirit's freedom and the joy of the Lord. They just don't have it yet and I so desperately want them to understand it so they can have it for them selves and then more importantly give it away to the dying world around them!
So that's my prayer for them, that they catch the wave of what Jesus Christ is so clearly doing at King's and jump in and enjoy!