I don't know what it is that I want to write I just know that I want to post something. Anything. This time last year i was in Bedford and having the time of my life (well it was the best year of my life but it had only just begun really), planning things to do for my birthday with Becca as we share the date and doing a number of other fun things too. This year I am contemplating doing nothing for my birthday as I don't know many people well enough to do something with them. This is the first time this has ever happened. And I don't like it. It feels weird. Not because I'm spoiled or anything but simply because I have always had people do celebrate with; and now that I am home it feels like I pretty much have no one. :(
Don't get me wrong I am glad to be home but I would also like very much to be back in Bedders too. Or maybe it's not the place/church I miss maybe it's the people and the fact there was always someone I could do something with. I definitely think that me best friends are those I made this year; Cheryl Ingledew, Becca Riley, Zoe Heath, Rachel Marshal, Joanna Martin, Ben Leggott, Charlotte Wood, Josh Nobblet and Matt Davies to just name a few. This is probably because I got to know myself at the same time as they did really. And we learnt so much together and individually all at the same time on both TSM and FP Impact. September 2009 - August 2010 will always be one that I will never forget and will cherish the memories and photos/videos for my whole life. And I most certainly thank Jesus I met these and the rest of my new friends. Each and every single person who came into my life this year helped to make it the best year in my entire (almost) 20 years of life. You are all stars and I love you very much!
Actually this post is doing what I hoped it would, cheer me up and make me happy. Even though it started a bit moany at the beginning thinking about all my fellow FPers and TSMers and ever KAers has made me really rather joyful.
Well it is 5 to 5 which means home time in 5 minutes so I better finish this and turn off my PC as it takes forever to do anything on it.
Peace out Lovelies! Xx
About Me
- Nicola
- Jesus has captured my heart... I'm a 'there's always a silver lining' kind of girl. I love making people laugh & smile and seeing people reach their dreams.
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Let the giggles comence...
Most of these won't make sense to you unless you were there but the randomness of them might make you giggle and some of the quotes are from films or songs or the bible or just general ones i've seen, heard or read.
One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." (Footprints In the Sand: Margaret fishback Powers)
"The lion fell in love with the lamb." "What a stupid lamb." "What a sick, masochistic lion." (Edward and Bella in Twilight: Stephanie Meyer)
Better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
She made me all quavery! (Lottey in London)
Mmm, yes. Mmm quite! (Stina in London.)
A frantic pounding, a racing beat. A changin heart. (Jacob Black in Breaking Dawn: Stephanie Meyer)
Kissing is like drinking salted water: you drink and your thirst increases.
Kisses that are easiy obtained are easily forgetten.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4
"By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, and by the breath of his mouth all their host. He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap; he puts the deeps in storehouses. Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him! For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm." Pslam 33:6-9
Yeah I've got the feeling
It's something I find hard to explain
See I wasn't looking
But girl I'm glad I fell in your way. (From the song Adored by Collective Soul)
I believe in light; even when the sun doesn't shine. I believe in love; even when it isn't given. I believe in God; even when his voice is silent.
"Deirdre has entered me!" Abbie
"Stop taking pictures while she's fiddling with me!" Stina
"I'm hoping we seep together again tonight. I sleeping with her - it's fun." Niki about Abbie
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake in the morning
Without you by my side
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine. (From Goodbye My Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy)
Never Think by Robert Pattinson
That's all i'm gonna do for now or it will just be rediculously long so I'll do a few posts instead.
Peace out lovelies. Xx
One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." (Footprints In the Sand: Margaret fishback Powers)
"The lion fell in love with the lamb." "What a stupid lamb." "What a sick, masochistic lion." (Edward and Bella in Twilight: Stephanie Meyer)
Better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
She made me all quavery! (Lottey in London)
Mmm, yes. Mmm quite! (Stina in London.)
A frantic pounding, a racing beat. A changin heart. (Jacob Black in Breaking Dawn: Stephanie Meyer)
Kissing is like drinking salted water: you drink and your thirst increases.
Kisses that are easiy obtained are easily forgetten.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4
"By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, and by the breath of his mouth all their host. He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap; he puts the deeps in storehouses. Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him! For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm." Pslam 33:6-9
Yeah I've got the feeling
It's something I find hard to explain
See I wasn't looking
But girl I'm glad I fell in your way. (From the song Adored by Collective Soul)
I believe in light; even when the sun doesn't shine. I believe in love; even when it isn't given. I believe in God; even when his voice is silent.
"Deirdre has entered me!" Abbie
"Stop taking pictures while she's fiddling with me!" Stina
"I'm hoping we seep together again tonight. I sleeping with her - it's fun." Niki about Abbie
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake in the morning
Without you by my side
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine. (From Goodbye My Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy)
Never Think by Robert Pattinson
That's all i'm gonna do for now or it will just be rediculously long so I'll do a few posts instead.
Peace out lovelies. Xx
Thursday, 19 August 2010
Post to follow...
So i just filled up my quote book. :)
so either tomorrow or in the next few days im gonna post some of my faves on here and also do a proper post as a lot has happened since i last posted as it was long tings ago - sorry!
i do still love you i swear :) xx
peace out lovelies! xx
so either tomorrow or in the next few days im gonna post some of my faves on here and also do a proper post as a lot has happened since i last posted as it was long tings ago - sorry!
i do still love you i swear :) xx
peace out lovelies! xx
Sunday, 6 June 2010
The Random Ramblings of a Redhead.
I'm in that rediculous mood again, where something 'feels' wrong but I don't know what/why. Maybe it's because I do not seem to have a clue on how to use my new phone even though it tells me how to do some things. It might be because it's 20 mins past midnight and I have to be at church at 9 and cannot find my leaders rotas for King's Kids but then it could also be to do with a lot of things! It is the most annoying mood/feeling ever as I am unable to define it or the reason I am feeling it!! Grr at this!
Onto happy things, though, Lottey has come up to stay with me for a few days which is nice and it also meant I got to see Mum again as she drove her up here and then bought the new phone as the contract is in her name. So it was lovely to spend time with her again. Lottey and I went to Ben's where a load of us had a BBQ and then hung out and played games and things till half 11. Maybe that's why I feel weird - haven't wound down properly yet maybe. Anyways, so that was lots of fun and it's nice that Lottey said she really likes my friends and that she got on with them well as sometimes she can find it hard to meet new people/make new mates as she seems to be quite content with being by herself and doesn't have many buddies back home. Which makes me sad for her, spesh when Millie, Andrew and Betty (pretty much her only college friends/closest in relationship and proximity) seem to leave her out 99.9% of the time now that I am gone. Which to be honest makes me kind of angry at them all but mostly at Millie as she very often moaned/moans to me about being left out by church people now I'm gone which is getting harder and harder for me to feel bad for her about as it is the exact thing she is doing to my sister! But I have to try and remember that Millie is quite different to me in the way that she 'falls in out of best friendship' with people; not that they fall out but just that she seems to change who she likes the most quite often. Where as I stay bf's with someone for years and for her, to me at least, it feels like it is who ever she spends the most time with. Kind of like she is fickle when it comes to best friends. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am not saying you have to have a bestie and that if you do they are that for life no matter what or no matter who newly comes into your life but I am simply saying that for me I long to have a best friend relationship like I did with Becky back in St. Nicks and Glebelands. The kind where people get your names mixed up as you're always together/so similar in the ways you do thing because you have spent so much time together; where you can finish each other sentences and know what the other means when trying to explain something. Or even if when trying to talk you are yawning or eating, etc so can't be properly understood by people but they know and translate it to others for you. Me and Bex where just like that. I miss that so much, I miss her so much, even though we drifted in our last year at Glebelands I still miss her terribly. It has almost been 3 years since prom and I have only seen her once since then when out of the blue she rang me about a year ago so I stayed at her house for a night. Considering we saw each other *at least* 5 days a week but quite often more as she would stay at mine a lot and then come to church on the Sunday to only having seen her once in almost 3 years is really odd and really rather sad.
Hey this bit was supposed to be happier. Ah well never mind ay. Never mind. This is just how my mind works, it leads straight from one thing to the next with not much obvious link needed but I still know where I'm headed or what I mean (even if most other people don't).
Also, recently, I have noticed/become more aware of the way I speak to other people about things. What I mean is that sometimes I will talk to people about something with out really starting the conversation at the beginning of the train of thought and expect them to know what I'm going on about as to me it seems obvious. Or even what I have done a few times is say something to people that leads on from what was said earlier only it turns out it wasn't said at all I just thought it in my head and hadn't realised no one else heard it. That is the weirder one I think, it is certainly the the harder one to explain to people and therefore funnier as I can just back-track a wee bit and properly start the conversation in the right place afterwards when I get the odd looks from people. Where as with thinking I have said something already to those I am talking to, what I say is 100% random and out of the blue. Just thinking about doing it or times when I have don it before is making me chuckle. (: Love It!!
Right well it's pretty much 5 to 1am and am feeling less weird now so I'm gonna be of to sleepybyes now. Nighty Night and peace out lovelies! Xx
Onto happy things, though, Lottey has come up to stay with me for a few days which is nice and it also meant I got to see Mum again as she drove her up here and then bought the new phone as the contract is in her name. So it was lovely to spend time with her again. Lottey and I went to Ben's where a load of us had a BBQ and then hung out and played games and things till half 11. Maybe that's why I feel weird - haven't wound down properly yet maybe. Anyways, so that was lots of fun and it's nice that Lottey said she really likes my friends and that she got on with them well as sometimes she can find it hard to meet new people/make new mates as she seems to be quite content with being by herself and doesn't have many buddies back home. Which makes me sad for her, spesh when Millie, Andrew and Betty (pretty much her only college friends/closest in relationship and proximity) seem to leave her out 99.9% of the time now that I am gone. Which to be honest makes me kind of angry at them all but mostly at Millie as she very often moaned/moans to me about being left out by church people now I'm gone which is getting harder and harder for me to feel bad for her about as it is the exact thing she is doing to my sister! But I have to try and remember that Millie is quite different to me in the way that she 'falls in out of best friendship' with people; not that they fall out but just that she seems to change who she likes the most quite often. Where as I stay bf's with someone for years and for her, to me at least, it feels like it is who ever she spends the most time with. Kind of like she is fickle when it comes to best friends. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am not saying you have to have a bestie and that if you do they are that for life no matter what or no matter who newly comes into your life but I am simply saying that for me I long to have a best friend relationship like I did with Becky back in St. Nicks and Glebelands. The kind where people get your names mixed up as you're always together/so similar in the ways you do thing because you have spent so much time together; where you can finish each other sentences and know what the other means when trying to explain something. Or even if when trying to talk you are yawning or eating, etc so can't be properly understood by people but they know and translate it to others for you. Me and Bex where just like that. I miss that so much, I miss her so much, even though we drifted in our last year at Glebelands I still miss her terribly. It has almost been 3 years since prom and I have only seen her once since then when out of the blue she rang me about a year ago so I stayed at her house for a night. Considering we saw each other *at least* 5 days a week but quite often more as she would stay at mine a lot and then come to church on the Sunday to only having seen her once in almost 3 years is really odd and really rather sad.
Hey this bit was supposed to be happier. Ah well never mind ay. Never mind. This is just how my mind works, it leads straight from one thing to the next with not much obvious link needed but I still know where I'm headed or what I mean (even if most other people don't).
Also, recently, I have noticed/become more aware of the way I speak to other people about things. What I mean is that sometimes I will talk to people about something with out really starting the conversation at the beginning of the train of thought and expect them to know what I'm going on about as to me it seems obvious. Or even what I have done a few times is say something to people that leads on from what was said earlier only it turns out it wasn't said at all I just thought it in my head and hadn't realised no one else heard it. That is the weirder one I think, it is certainly the the harder one to explain to people and therefore funnier as I can just back-track a wee bit and properly start the conversation in the right place afterwards when I get the odd looks from people. Where as with thinking I have said something already to those I am talking to, what I say is 100% random and out of the blue. Just thinking about doing it or times when I have don it before is making me chuckle. (: Love It!!
Right well it's pretty much 5 to 1am and am feeling less weird now so I'm gonna be of to sleepybyes now. Nighty Night and peace out lovelies! Xx
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
I love I love I love Your presence
I had such an amazing time with Pappa this morning. No one was home so I went into my bedroom, stuck in my headphones with the volume up and just laid on the floor. Singing at full volume whic felt *SO* good as I never do it as I'm no Mickey Peacock shall we say. (: There were tears, there was laughter, there was uncontrolable sobbing and then god quieted me with His love. I don't think I have ever had a time with the Father like that on my own before. It happened in public a few weeks ago at TSM when we were at Russell Park Baptisit instead of our offices as we had a guy called Neil Chitty and his wife Sonya. But this morning was amazing! Truely a new level of intimacy and a bit of a breakthrough in the Secret Place too. God is so flipping good and graceful!
I really do love Him. With all my heart, He is and will always be my first love. even though I might want it, I know I don't need to be married to have true love and to give true love as I will always Love and have Him. One of the songs I was soaking to was called You Won't Relent and there are two parts of the song that spoke to me most which I have put in bold:
You won't relent until you have it all
My heart is yours( Repeat )
I'll set you as a seal, upon my heart
as a seal upon my arm
for there is a love, that is as strong as death
jealousy demanding as the grave
mand many waters, cannot quench this love
Come be the fire inside of me,
come be the flame upon my heart,
Come be the fire inside of me,
until You and I are one.
I don't wanna talk about you, like you're not in the room,
I wanna look right at you,
I wanna sing right to you.
I can't really put into words (in a eligable fashion) what God was doing in me, at least not yet. He has been speaking to me so much of late, or I should say I've actually been listening of late as our Father is always talking to us because He loves us, it's just whether or not we choose/allow ourselves to actually hear Him. we are a silly race really if you think about it, we were created for relationship with God, not because He needed it just because he wanted to (that's an amazing statement right there - that I'll give you for free (: hehe ) so of course He is going to communicate with us otherwise it wouldn't nay COULDN'T be a real relationship yet we sometimes feel like He isnt saying anything. When the reality is that He always is and maybe we aren't really listening or He might just be using a different way to speak to develop and deepen our relationships.
Silly, Silly us. Gracious, gracious God. (:
Anyhoo not sure what else to say right now so Peace out Lovelies!
I really do love Him. With all my heart, He is and will always be my first love. even though I might want it, I know I don't need to be married to have true love and to give true love as I will always Love and have Him. One of the songs I was soaking to was called You Won't Relent and there are two parts of the song that spoke to me most which I have put in bold:
You won't relent until you have it all
My heart is yours( Repeat )
I'll set you as a seal, upon my heart
as a seal upon my arm
for there is a love, that is as strong as death
jealousy demanding as the grave
mand many waters, cannot quench this love
Come be the fire inside of me,
come be the flame upon my heart,
Come be the fire inside of me,
until You and I are one.
I don't wanna talk about you, like you're not in the room,
I wanna look right at you,
I wanna sing right to you.
I can't really put into words (in a eligable fashion) what God was doing in me, at least not yet. He has been speaking to me so much of late, or I should say I've actually been listening of late as our Father is always talking to us because He loves us, it's just whether or not we choose/allow ourselves to actually hear Him. we are a silly race really if you think about it, we were created for relationship with God, not because He needed it just because he wanted to (that's an amazing statement right there - that I'll give you for free (: hehe ) so of course He is going to communicate with us otherwise it wouldn't nay COULDN'T be a real relationship yet we sometimes feel like He isnt saying anything. When the reality is that He always is and maybe we aren't really listening or He might just be using a different way to speak to develop and deepen our relationships.
Silly, Silly us. Gracious, gracious God. (:
Anyhoo not sure what else to say right now so Peace out Lovelies!
Monday, 17 May 2010
Going Through The Motions... (Plus Life's a Show)
It seems like at the moment my emotions/my life in general are just simply going through the motions. Or on a continuous cycley-loopy thing; thats quite scientific you know. (: Well it's either one of those or my body has decided to change from giving me agonising period pains to spazing up mu emotions. I'm hoping its one of the first two as otherwise having to go through life with this much a mix of ups and downs is sure to take its toll on me. ): Unless maybe it is just a phase and I will return to cramps each month, which tbh, I would so rather have and they sucked like no ones business!
I do happen to think though that the most likely reason for the rollacoaster emotionalness is because I am due to leave Bedford and the AMAZING people at the King's Arms, TSM and my FP Impact base in about a month and a half. Some of whom its is likely I will not be seeing again for at least a few years if not until heaven. Very, very, VERY sad times. D: Don't get me wrong I am so looking forward to coming home and working for KCH, but I feel more known here I 'spose. What I mean by that is after doing TSM and learning that I didn't show people the real me let alone know who I was. Whereas here, the people around me have been finding out whom I am alongside me finding out too. So there’s been no room to hide or put a mask on. So the people I know here, well a few of them, know me better than most if not all the people I know back home; which kind of scares me as I’m going to be living and doing life with them for the foreseeable future...
Life's a show
And we all play our parts
And when the music starts
We open up our hearts
It’s alright
If some things come out wrong
We'll sing a happy song
And you can sing along
Where there’s life, there’s hope
Everyday’s a gift
Wishes can, come true
Whistle while, you work
So hard, all day
To be like other girls
To fit in, in this glittering world
Don't give me songs
Don't give me songs
Give me something to sing about
I need something to sing about
Life’s a song
You don't get to rehearse
And every single verse
Can make it that much worse
Still my friends don't know why I ignore
The million things or more
I should be dancing for
All the joy life sends
Family and friends
All the twists and bends
Knowing that it ends
Well that depends
On if they let you go
On if they know enough to know
That when you've bowed
You leave the crowd
So give me something to sing about
Please give me something to sing about
Sunday, 2 May 2010
So Good To Me
This is my new fave worship song - I heard it at KA when Sarah O was leading or at TSM when she leading (either way she introduced it to me) and I think it actually is better sang by her. But then some songs sounds better in male or female, this song I think is better in female. (:
The song is called so Good To Me by Cory Asbury:
The song is called so Good To Me by Cory Asbury:
I waited patiently upon the Lord
And He inclined and heard my cry
He pulled me up out of the miry clay
He set my feet upon a rock
Verse 2:
He gave me, beauty for ashes
And joy for my mourning
And praise for heaviness
He put a new song in my mouth
And a crown upon my head
He gave me life forevermore
Main Chorus:
Hes been so good, so so good to me
So good, so so good to me, so good so so good to me Jesus
Chorus 2:
Cause He picked me up and He turned me around
And He placed my feet on the solid ground
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
Niki is sehr, sehr happy today!
YAY! I'm popping home today for just over 24 hours so that I can go to my Nannie's 75th birthday surprise meal with a whole load of our family. Twenty-one of us I think; it should be loud and lively, but also a laugh too. (: I haven't seen some of the people going in a few years I don’t think, others its not been since September so not too long but they are the ones I tend to see more regularly so I miss them more. So I am very much looking forward to seeing them. I am extremely excited about seeing the Mother and Father as well as Lollypops. Oh and Robs and Chris too I suppose hehe. (:
Right well I am actually at work in the offices so I should probably get back to that, as I’m not in tomorrow and I am fasting from computers tomorrow as well. I’m doing that because as a small group we are fasting and praying for Cheryl’s heart and I think for Mandy who is Matt and Mickey’s neighbour (and my ex neighbour I guess) for some break through in hers and her family’s lives. And Matt said it didn’t have to be food we fasted from it could be anything we do or use a lot. And there are two reasons I chose to go for use of laptop/computers: 1) I am going out for Nannie’s birthday as previously said and 2) I use my laptop so, so much I thought that this would be something I notice not using more than food as I tend to just go it to fill time or because I’m bored. So I’m not using my laptop or any computer from midnight tonight till midnight tomorrow night. But I will probs be in bed them so its more like not until I get back from TSM n Thursday after having driven myself up in the morning. Thursday will be a looong day! But the drive will have been worth coming back for I am sure.
So peace out and have a good time till whenevs I write again. (: Xx Xx
Right well I am actually at work in the offices so I should probably get back to that, as I’m not in tomorrow and I am fasting from computers tomorrow as well. I’m doing that because as a small group we are fasting and praying for Cheryl’s heart and I think for Mandy who is Matt and Mickey’s neighbour (and my ex neighbour I guess) for some break through in hers and her family’s lives. And Matt said it didn’t have to be food we fasted from it could be anything we do or use a lot. And there are two reasons I chose to go for use of laptop/computers: 1) I am going out for Nannie’s birthday as previously said and 2) I use my laptop so, so much I thought that this would be something I notice not using more than food as I tend to just go it to fill time or because I’m bored. So I’m not using my laptop or any computer from midnight tonight till midnight tomorrow night. But I will probs be in bed them so its more like not until I get back from TSM n Thursday after having driven myself up in the morning. Thursday will be a looong day! But the drive will have been worth coming back for I am sure.
So peace out and have a good time till whenevs I write again. (: Xx Xx
Friday, 12 March 2010
Monday, 1 March 2010
From inside Jennie
My tummy well has a rash. ): sad times. But that’s not what this post is about, just wanted to say it.
I was just flicking through my last journal (who is named Jennie - yeah I've named my journal!) as I have just finished it and am in a new one now and there were so many things I had forgotten about and or that I wanted to share with people. So I choose you. (: There are worship lyrics, other song lyrics, words from God to me or just stuff that I got when in worship/praying, stuff from TSM talks and other shizzle too. So here is some of it (I might explain some of why I’m sharing or what it means others I won’t).
We will overcome!
By the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony
Everyone overcome.
In Ephesians 2:6 it talks about us being seated with Christ in heavenly places. So, because of this fact it should change how we pray. John Strange asked us this at TSM because of this verse: “So, are you praying from Earth the Heaven? OR from Heaven to Earth with the authority you have already inherited?!” Wow. That’s fracking amazing to think that we can pray knowing that what we ask for will be and is being done because we are with Jesus *now* in heaven as well as being here on Earth. It’s hard to get your head around and I know that some people don’t believe we are there now as they say even though god is outside of time; we are still alive therefore we cannot be up there with Him now. But surely if God is outside of time so is His dwelling place, meaning we could actually be there too as it is outside of time.
Love always fights back.
“It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy.” Psalm 92:1 – 4
“At the end of the day God doesn’t need defending --> he can/does prove himself.” Neil Chitty
Our God is totally trustworthy because he does not change – like ever!! “God is good and He’s in a good mood all the time!” (Bill Johnson)
“God does miracles not because he needs to prove Himself but simply because He just loves us! He does it just because!” Neil Chitty
*what did God do just after Adam and eve fall? He made them clothes. Out of what? Animal skins… How do you get animal skins? You have to kill it. Therefore blood had to be shed to cover their guilt and shame. Resemble/remind you of anything from the New Testament?!!*
Proverbs 15:1 “A softer answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Okay it’s just gone midnight so I should probably go to bed as I’ve got FP Impact training this week. So I’m gonna continue this post another time; but as my journal has lots in it I think I will do this as a series of post instead of one very long one. So I hope these things or at least some of these things I have and will write on here will impact you and reveal some of God’s heart and truth to you as they did me.
Oh I do love Jesus – he’s my favourite.
Friday, 5 February 2010
Slept like a baby?
As I was lying awake in bed just now (at 1.37 am) I though I wish I could sleep like a baby. then as I pondered what that might look like, I realised I do do that, and not just because my thumb gets sucked; but because I generally wake up throughout the night and am grumpy in the morning because of it. And sometimes not sleeping makes me cry, as it did today. Yeah that's right I cried today because of lack of sleep, but then again, so would you if you hadn't had a good night sleep in almost 5 years! Argh this sucks ass! ):
It will be 5 years on the 28th July since I have slept properly. Wondering why I know the exact date? Well let me tell you: it was on the 28th at about 6am ish that I found out that I had gotten drunk at a party the previous night and someone had put the testicle and penis in my mouth as I had slept. The testicle is legally classed as sexual abuse and the penis is rape. And I found out these two things from the person who had done them. He said when I woke up with the others in the tent "Haha! I tea-bagged you!" So as I walked home the 45 minute walk ride, not wanting to wait another three hours for when my mum had arranged to pick me up, I called Child line and asked them if it was sexual abuse, they said yes. So a little while later on my walk, I called mum at home and asked her to unlock the door as I would be home soon an didn't have my keys. She sounded extremely worried on the phone as not only was it not even 7 am yet, but because I was crying. When I got in, I told her not to be angry with me as I had taken 2 of dad's beers with me, and then I told all of what I could remember/was told (luckily god had put me in a deep sleep and I have no memory of what Norman** did to me). So mum called the police and tried to contact dad as he was away on a TA 2 week camp, but couldn't get hold of him. so shortly after 2 policemen came, took my statement , drove me and mum to a house where I was examined my a doctor and had to pee in a cup. And that was the day before I went to Faith Camp and then Newday.
So at first I got nightmares because of it which went away after some prayer a few months later and then they came back at the time of the trial but left again shortly after. They've not come back but now I just can't really sleep well, or at all some nights. And this is one of those nights - it's now 1:50am and I'M not tired at all. But then again I left TSM early as i was struggling to stay awake and then slept for almost 5 hours after that. And not it has been about 3 hours since I awoke and now I can't get off to sleep again. So I thought I'd just tell you that, whoever *you* are as I don't know who reads this. But there you go, now you know a little something about me.
But yeah I am pretty much always shattered but for me life is being shattered at the moment - which as i said earlier suck ass. Of course I've gotten prayed for for the sleeplessnees, the Norman thing, and stuff related to it, and sometimes I do sleep ok-ishly, but then there are weeks like this week where I hardly sleep at all. ):
Man I just wanna SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! )': so if you're reading this and you love Jesus please pray for me. And you know what, even if you aren't a Christian could you please pray too, every little helps as Tesco says. (:
Well cheers for, um well not listening as this is written and also 'cause you're not in my bedroom for me to talk to, but, um, thanks for being you. Yeah that works, thanks for being who you are (whoever you are reading this, hehe)
Peace and Love
~ Nikerz Xx
**Lets call him Norman.
It will be 5 years on the 28th July since I have slept properly. Wondering why I know the exact date? Well let me tell you: it was on the 28th at about 6am ish that I found out that I had gotten drunk at a party the previous night and someone had put the testicle and penis in my mouth as I had slept. The testicle is legally classed as sexual abuse and the penis is rape. And I found out these two things from the person who had done them. He said when I woke up with the others in the tent "Haha! I tea-bagged you!" So as I walked home the 45 minute walk ride, not wanting to wait another three hours for when my mum had arranged to pick me up, I called Child line and asked them if it was sexual abuse, they said yes. So a little while later on my walk, I called mum at home and asked her to unlock the door as I would be home soon an didn't have my keys. She sounded extremely worried on the phone as not only was it not even 7 am yet, but because I was crying. When I got in, I told her not to be angry with me as I had taken 2 of dad's beers with me, and then I told all of what I could remember/was told (luckily god had put me in a deep sleep and I have no memory of what Norman** did to me). So mum called the police and tried to contact dad as he was away on a TA 2 week camp, but couldn't get hold of him. so shortly after 2 policemen came, took my statement , drove me and mum to a house where I was examined my a doctor and had to pee in a cup. And that was the day before I went to Faith Camp and then Newday.
So at first I got nightmares because of it which went away after some prayer a few months later and then they came back at the time of the trial but left again shortly after. They've not come back but now I just can't really sleep well, or at all some nights. And this is one of those nights - it's now 1:50am and I'M not tired at all. But then again I left TSM early as i was struggling to stay awake and then slept for almost 5 hours after that. And not it has been about 3 hours since I awoke and now I can't get off to sleep again. So I thought I'd just tell you that, whoever *you* are as I don't know who reads this. But there you go, now you know a little something about me.
But yeah I am pretty much always shattered but for me life is being shattered at the moment - which as i said earlier suck ass. Of course I've gotten prayed for for the sleeplessnees, the Norman thing, and stuff related to it, and sometimes I do sleep ok-ishly, but then there are weeks like this week where I hardly sleep at all. ):
Man I just wanna SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! )': so if you're reading this and you love Jesus please pray for me. And you know what, even if you aren't a Christian could you please pray too, every little helps as Tesco says. (:
Well cheers for, um well not listening as this is written and also 'cause you're not in my bedroom for me to talk to, but, um, thanks for being you. Yeah that works, thanks for being who you are (whoever you are reading this, hehe)
Peace and Love
~ Nikerz Xx
**Lets call him Norman.
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