The Random Ramblings of a Redhead.

I'm in that rediculous mood again, where something 'feels' wrong but I don't know what/why. Maybe it's because I do not seem to have a clue on how to use my new phone even though it tells me how to do some things. It might be because it's 20 mins past midnight and I have to be at church at 9 and cannot find my leaders rotas for King's Kids but then it could also be to do with a lot of things! It is the most annoying mood/feeling ever as I am unable to define it or the reason I am feeling it!! Grr at this!

Onto happy things, though, Lottey has come up to stay with me for a few days which is nice and it also meant I got to see Mum again as she drove her up here and then bought the new phone as the contract is in her name. So it was lovely to spend time with her again. Lottey and I went to Ben's where a load of us had a BBQ and then hung out and played games and things till half 11. Maybe that's why I feel weird - haven't wound down properly yet maybe. Anyways, so that was lots of fun and it's nice that Lottey said she really likes my friends and that she got on with them well as sometimes she can find it hard to meet new people/make new mates as she seems to be quite content with being by herself and doesn't have many buddies back home. Which makes me sad for her, spesh when Millie, Andrew and Betty (pretty much her only college friends/closest in relationship and proximity) seem to leave her out 99.9% of the time now that I am gone. Which to be honest makes me kind of angry at them all but mostly at Millie as she very often moaned/moans to me about being left out by church people now I'm gone which is getting harder and harder for me to feel bad for her about as it is the exact thing she is doing to my sister! But I have to try and remember that Millie is quite different to me in the way that she 'falls in out of best friendship' with people; not that they fall out but just that she seems to change who she likes the most quite often. Where as I stay bf's with someone for years and for her, to me at least, it feels like it is who ever she spends the most time with. Kind of like she is fickle when it comes to best friends. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am not saying you have to have a bestie and that if you do they are that for life no matter what or no matter who newly comes into your life but I am simply saying that for me I long to have a best friend relationship like I did with Becky back in St. Nicks and Glebelands. The kind where people get your names mixed up as you're always together/so similar in the ways you do thing because you have spent so much time together; where you can finish each other sentences and know what the other means when trying to explain something. Or even if when trying to talk you are yawning or eating, etc so can't be properly understood by people but they know and translate it to others for you. Me and Bex where just like that. I miss that so much, I miss her so much, even though we drifted in our last year at Glebelands I still miss her terribly. It has almost been 3 years since prom and I have only seen her once since then when out of the blue she rang me about a year ago so I stayed at her house for a night. Considering we saw each other *at least* 5 days a week but quite often more as she would stay at mine a lot and then come to church on the Sunday to only having seen her once in almost 3 years is really odd and really rather sad.

Hey this bit was supposed to be happier. Ah well never mind ay. Never mind. This is just how my mind works, it leads straight from one thing to the next with not much obvious link needed but I still know where I'm headed or what I mean (even if most other people don't).

Also, recently, I have noticed/become more aware of the way I speak to other people about things. What I mean is that sometimes I will talk to people about something with out really starting the conversation at the beginning of the train of thought and expect them to know what I'm going on about as to me it seems obvious. Or even what I have done a few times is say something to people that leads on from what was said earlier only it turns out it wasn't said at all I just thought it in my head and hadn't realised no one else heard it. That is the weirder one I think, it is certainly the the harder one to explain to people and therefore funnier as I can just back-track a wee bit and properly start the conversation in the right place afterwards when I get the odd looks from people. Where as with thinking I have said something already to those I am talking to, what I say is 100% random and out of the blue. Just thinking about doing it or times when I have don it before is making me chuckle. (: Love It!!

Right well it's pretty much 5 to 1am and am feeling less weird now so I'm gonna be of to sleepybyes now. Nighty Night and peace out lovelies! Xx