I'm so glad you're part of my life.

(Written on 16/4/11  - not sure why i never posted it. It is even more true today. I will always treasure our friendship as one of the most important things I have in this lifetime. I love you, my friend, my sister.)

Christina Emily Cave.

We've had our ups and downs for sure but this girl, other than my actual family, has stayed in my life for the longest, even knowing me at my very worst. No matter where we've been studying, lived or whatever else could get in the way, we are still here together. And I love her very much. she is like a sister to me.
I know I could trust her with anything. And last night I did.

Last night I rang her at about mid-night in a state and she was there just to listen and console me as I sobbed and talked incoherently to her. So not only did she talk me round to hear sense but she also offered to meet and just chat with me today. To be honest, she is my rock. I don't know where my life would be without her in it. Christina was there for me in the darkest part of my life, just after I had been abused and didn't want to be alive anymore. Her just being in my life, shining in happiness like a candle in a darkened room, gave me hope that I could get through it. I don't think she realizes how vital to me wanting to carry on living she was...

<Insert title regarding length since last post 2 years ago>

Soooo, it sure has been a while. Whoops! I have written three draft posts but none of them have been finished -sorry.

Lots has happened since then; but the main thing is that I got a job in December 2011 at a nursery near Gatwick airport. I started in the baby unit which is aged 3 - 14 months. I then worked in Owls Nest which is our 3 - 4 year olds, then did two days a week in Foxes which is the 2 - 3 year olds and the other three days I worked in Rabbit Run with the 14 month to 2 year olds. As of October last year I went to full time in Rabbits which I am totally loving. As I'm sure is true with most jobs I work with people who I wouldn't "choose to associate with" which means some of the people I don't particularly like but there are others, especially one in particular, who I am so glad I have met. Me an Helen have become such good friends and she even told me I am her best friend in this area (she moved from Sutton a few years ago). It was so nice hearing that and it's true for me about Helen at work as well. She is so lovely and funny and kind, I'm glad to be able to call her a friend. 

So yeah, that's the biggest change in my life since my last post. I have a job that I mostly love.

Something else that is new is I have discovered I have a love of sewing. Stacey introduced me to it really, making bunting for InStep, our church's womens ministry. I helped her out a bit and it turned out I thoroughly enjoyed it so I've got the sewing machine Ruth had and I am (very, VERY, slowly) making some bunting of my own. In the future I plan on learning to alter my clothes for when I have lost the weight I need to and maybe even learning to make my own as well.

I know that's only two things that have happened but if I don't post this now I'm not if I ever will or if this will end up joining the other three or so posts that will never get finished now...

I shall try to update this more often but no promises. I am not certain anyone actually reads this anyway - but I'll keep posting as if people do because it's nice to have a space where I can be honest and open and get the ramblings, opinions, ideas and thoughts that are scattered in my brain.
Therefore, if someone is reading this, Hello! And if no one is, then; meh, really. :)

The List: Thing 2

I found the above photo here and just fell in love with it. As I am doing an item about the things I love call The List I thought that this would be a great section banner as it shows three things I love: photography, the sky and Love. Oh and I'm partial to silhouettes too so really it's four things and that means it is just perfect for this blog segment. And now, on with the show...

Introducing the newly found List banner is rather apt for today's thing as I want to talk about photography.
I don't know what it is about it that I just love but for the past few years now my love for it has grown. About two years ago now, my sister Lottey was bought a semi-professional camera for her photography A-level course and ever since I have taken every opportunity to steal it and have a play. She is still  so much better than me obviously (she did study it for two years!) so all her photos are much better then mine but I do it because I have fun doing it not because I want to be great - although that would be pretty swell too.

I think it's the way you can show so much, or even so little, through a single shot. I love digital photography as it's so quick and simple but as a kid I remember sending off a film/disposable camera and having to wait for weeks for it to be developed but then the moment you got the little envelope and you could see whether or not your shots came out/were any good. I kind of miss that. What I might do to sort of get that feeling again is to order a load of digital prints online and then wait till they come through, that would be pretty cool.

Some photographers I love are:
Charlotte Grant
Dean Sherwood
Tom Leishman
TSO Photography
David Spearing (he's also a filmographagician)

There are so many more as well but I don't have the space to put them all in. There are two main websites I use for photos for anything I do or even just to look for some amazing photos and they are tumblr.com and weheartit.com Check them out they are fab! (And whilst you on tumblr check out mine: cherry-face.tumblr.com #ShamelessPlug )

Charles Henry (Harry) Watts 22-January-1990 - 22-May-2006

It was 5 years ago yeasterday that my friend Harry Watts died. He was killed in a car accident just yards from his house on 22nd May 2006. 

I remember finding out he had dies on msn. Rosie asked if I’d heard about Harry. I said, ‘oh what’s the silly bugger gone and done now?’ She told me he’d been killed, I didnt believe her and said if she was joking it wasnt funny, it was sick. But no. It was true. After that I was crying so hysterically my brother came to see what was wrong. He just held me for about half an hour and got my other brother, Rob,  to call my mum to come home. I cried myself to sleep in my mums arms that night.

Harry playing his favorite sport

The next day at school Harry’s year was due to take their English Lit GCSE. I remember walking into school and hearing a little year 7 ask his mate why everyone was crying. I shouted at him that a year 11 had died the night before and swore at him. I never did get to say sorry for that. It had been silent on my bus that morning. Deafeningly so when the bus driver stopped to pick up Harry and he never got on. We had to tell him what had happened. As I was a year 10 every lesson was important but I remember missing so many that week as we had been told if we needed to we could go somewhere on the school grounds to think. I remember leaving a lesson my best friend Becky and finding my friend Dan Hawkins, who was Harry’s best friend, and someone else sitting up against the cage in silence. We went and sat with them and just talked about the memories of Harry we had. Becky often got the bus home to mine so she had gotten to know him better over the past year. We must have been there for almost an hour as the bell went and as the classrooms spilled out onto tennis courts for break more peole came to sit with us.

Dan and I had a camp booked for the weekend. We both didn’t want to go but knew that Harry would have wanted us to be having fun not sitting at home crying. So we both went and hung out with each other and got lots of prayer too. I will never forget what someone told us that weekend, “After someone you love has died always remember this: It’s okay to be sad when you’re sad but it is even more okay to be happy when you’re happy.” As simple and obvious as it sounds you need to hear this because after the death of a loved one you can sometimes feel guilty for laughing, smiling and being happy. But that’s how they would want you to be, to remember their lives and the good times not that they have now gone.

Rest in peace Harry. Have fun hanging out with Jesus till I get there! And say Hi to my brothers and sister who are up in heaven too! I'll never forget you Harrybo! 

Charles Henry (Harry) Watts 22-January-1990 - 22-May-2006. xx

Epic Night

On Sunday (20-March-11) I saw McFly's Above the Noise tour in Brighton with Christina. It was epic. Will blog more about it another time but i jut wanted to say it was epic. And show you a photo.

The List

I just saw on a friends blog that she is making a list of things that are important to her "list of all those things that make me smile inside." and i thought that this was such a good thing to do that i would do it also. Sarah said she was doing it to start living deliberately and i think thats a great reason to do it. So here is the start of my list of things make make me heart smile.


Thing One:
Going for a walk in the woods. It doesn't matter what time if day it is as i have often found myself longing to go walkies at about 10pm or even after midnight if i am awake sometimes. any time of day is a good time for wondering in the woods around where i live.
it doesnt really matter too much what the weather is either, ive been on snowy woodland walks, sunny ones, windy ones, cold ones and even a couple of rainy walks to. i just love it. 


But i think my favorite time of year to aimlessly wonder around is when the bluebells are out. io live by the old railway that used to go from Horsham to Guildford where there was a tunnel that went through the hill that is now closed off and locked by a metal door they have built. because of this the people who 'made' the downs link have had to make a new path the run pretty much next to it as it goes up the hill. one you are at the top of hill, if you look at the left side of the path the ground is literally covered on bluebells. the beautiful flowers seem like they go on for miles, and in fact, some routes you can walk they do. 


I don't mind if i am alone or with other people when i go out to the woods. sometimes it's best when im alone as i can go wherever i want, spend as long as i want to sit and just look an listen, chat to the big J-dog in the sky or even sing out loud without caring as no-one is around to hear. yet sometimes it's better to have Stina and Lottey with me. As children, we played so many times in the woods so if we go walkies now we tend to revisit 'our tree' and the 'cave girl tree' to reminisce and giggle. Or we just walk with no aim and go where we feel like.


i also love finding new places too. it usually starts off with following a public footpath i haven't gone down before and seeing it where it takes me.  i think it's the feeling of adventure that i love. the thought of the unknown. not sure why i love it so much but i guess i have always wanted to be swept off my feet and taken on an adventure with the guy im going to marry. and even though i might just be going walkies by myself i get the space in my head to only think about where i'm going and how i got there so there's lots of room for my imagination to to run wild.


so basically number one on The List is going for a walk in the woods.

Shine A Light on Her (eh eh eh)

I don't know what it is that I want to write I just know that I want to post something. Anything. This time last year i was in Bedford and having the time of my life (well it was the best year of my life but it had only just begun really), planning things to do for my birthday with Becca as we share the date and doing a number of other fun things too. This year I am contemplating doing nothing for my birthday as I don't know many people well enough to do something with them. This is the first time this has ever happened. And I don't like it. It feels weird. Not because I'm spoiled or anything but simply because I have always had people do celebrate with; and now that I am home it feels like I pretty much have no one. :(
Don't get me wrong I am glad to be home but I would also like very much to be back in Bedders too. Or maybe it's not the place/church I miss maybe it's the people and the fact there was always someone I could do something with. I definitely think that me best friends are those I made this year; Cheryl Ingledew, Becca Riley, Zoe Heath, Rachel Marshal, Joanna Martin, Ben Leggott, Charlotte Wood, Josh Nobblet and Matt Davies to just name a few. This is probably because I got to know myself at the same time as they did really. And we learnt so much together and individually all at the same time on both TSM and FP Impact. September 2009 - August 2010 will always be one that I will never forget and will cherish the memories and photos/videos for my whole life. And I most certainly thank Jesus I met these and the rest of my new friends. Each and every single person who came into my life this year helped to make it the best year in my entire (almost) 20 years of life. You are all stars and I love you very much!
Actually this post is doing what I hoped it would, cheer me up and make me happy. Even though it started a bit moany at the beginning thinking about all my fellow FPers and TSMers and ever KAers has made me really rather joyful.
Well it is 5 to 5 which means home time in 5 minutes so I better finish this and  turn off my PC as it takes forever to do anything on it.
Peace out Lovelies! Xx