todays diary entry...

Sometimes I really hate watching chicky-flicky, rommy-commy type films. I mean, I love them, but sometimes I really, really hate them too! One of my faves is deffo Angus, Thongs and perfect snogging which means it is also one of my worst: this is because this specific one is about a girl who’s fourteen turning fifteen and hasn’t had a boyfriend yet or had her first kiss – as well as her not being the ‘proper fittie’. All of these things I related to other than the age thing, so… I’ve never had a real boyfriend, ergo never had a first real kiss and I’m SO not a fittie at all (so far basically the same as the character in the film/book) BUT I’m not fourteen going on fifteen, I’ve just turned eighteen! Aka --> how looserish and sad am I?! Now you can see why I haven’t had the first bf or kiss, well, I kinda had a first kiss but it was more of a non kiss so we’re not gonna go there. Not sure where my sister (16) is on the scale but I do know that I’m like at the bottom or not even on it! Major suckage!!

(am thinking this post really isn’t as serious sounding or written as previous posts but this is how my head sounds when its spilled out onto paper [or keyboard in this case] so just think yourself lucky you don’t read my diary thing as you would have a right nervy b trying to understand it)

The worst thing about it is that I have my main group I hang out with, of which I am the oldest, and most if not all are further along the ‘boy scale’ than I am. I’m not unhappy for them about them having boyfriends and me not… I guess really I just kind of jealous. How even more looserish am I now; I’m envious of like a sixteen year old! And the other loved up peoples in our lil gang. Take Stina for example, she’s sixteen going seventeen (hehe like the Sound of Music song) and even though she’s not going out with Liam, she likes him and he likes her back. He says things to her and about her which every girl longs to be told or to hear. Then there’s Tammy: she has just turned sixteen a few months ago and a super lovely bf who is also a Christian. And there are more of our gang with stories much like theirs but I can’t be bummed to tell you them all. But basically what they would point to is more of the fact I am a sad minging loner. Sure, I may be funny, but that’s not really what a guy looks for in gf/future wifey material is it?! If it was id at least have a fighting chance as I am funny and that’s about it but as they don’t I really do not see how it is gonna happen for me. Sometime I really think life would have been easier if I was born as a boy. Maybe I’d have been a real fittie, Christian (obviously), have a sexy name like Gregory, but not get called Greg as that’s like an old man name, and be like a real nice guy. Lol. Love it.

Anyhoo, I should probs be off doing something “worth while”, yeah like getting out how I feel isn’t worthwhile, I mean if I didn’t I could have like a REAL nervy b, going crazy and then deffo be in no chance in the history of the world ever of getting married. So, slaters peoples! mwah!

x